Spare the kid..spoil the rod - Jayvir Pillay

Let me start off by saying that I am not a parent. Not to my knowledge. I've never entertained such thoughts no matter how whimsical and I think it’s safe to say that any woman that has ever done me the service of allowing safe passage, has ever done so with that thought in mind. In short, my opinion on the matters to follow come from no place of fact or fiction and should be treated as such.

The setting for my tale spawns from an activity which I have grown to meet with disdain, derive humor and wonder as an insight into the modern human condition…..domestic flight. Comedian fodder I am aware but allow me this; I promise not to beguile home affairs or do a woeful Indian accent. I am a bean counter by profession and in my line of work I find myself in transit the length and breathe of Mzanzi. Where there is money, there is swinery in wake, and this how I make my bacon.

Go Ping Yourself - Jayvir Pillay

How am I supposed to breathe with no air?..Play on broken Strings?..Ride with no handle bars?..these are just some of man’s most perplexing mysteries that philosophers and philanthropists alike have shed many a brow of sweat over..But never has such travesty befallen mankind as marks this day..October 11- 2011..Since the extermination of the Jews and the African genocides has there not been such an outcry of human rights injustice as will live on etched in the memories of all…Let future generations never forget the inhumanity of today’s events and the efforts of all of those who gave their lives to make it right..the bone chills and yearns for warmth at the thought of verbalising such atrocities..but it must be done..for today

Handle Your Shit - Jayvir Pillay

If your anything like me and remain silent in your civil pride and national unity (shown only when international sporting events come rolling around), then you probably also share my contempt and slothful scorn at the gloss (or lack thereof) of Durban’s night life. But every once in a blue-filled moon there comes along a sniff of activity that succeeds in wetting your appetite enough to leave your computer screens and brave the icy Durban streets to actually “go-out”. Ceremonially you gather your merry making band of brothers , you make that pre-club run to procure your choice of contraband for the night from the nearest pharmacist/horticulturist/beverage retailer, and consult over who had the eye drops last. I consider myself fairly flexible when the laws of Murphy decide to take a dump on my clubbing experience,but there's one thing that bemoans me to no end. Its not long lines, dress codes,Nationalist Party bouncers, policeman looking for there next meal ticket, or even entry price inflation....its YOU.....

Epic Fail – Jayvir Pillay

It has become customary,l’ve notice of late,to meet those old acquaintances and school chums in my day to day activities,to which the limited passing by conversations have become precedent. The formalities of  “howzit”…”hows things”…”what you been up to” proceed on non-chalantly until that awkward pause,slow exit and then departure. But as certain as death and taxes, I’ve come to expect the enquiry of “what are you studying/doing with your life” which I ‘ve grown to resent.Not that I'm wasting away my blissful ignorance of a youth on meaningless online blogging or not proud of my career path. My consistent response is “Accounting” , to which an even more rudimentary response is that look or utter and sheer boredom and monotonous groan to which the reply is “oh that nice”.

Now I know that as far as mundane and bland occupations go they don’t come as bland or mundane as the accounting profession. Its not all glitz and glamour as the auditing team uncovering Schabir Shaiks off shore accounts will have you believe.

150 Years and Still Rocking the Boat - Jayvir Pillay

To my fellow South Asians;

As life (post the new years merry making) returns to normality as it always does and we get to grips with the dyslexia of having to remember to replace the ‘10 with ’11, I am enticed to reflect on an event that I passed by with laxidasical interest. The month of November 2010 marked the anniversary of the arrival of the first Indian indentured labourers to South Africa and on behalf of my people I would like to apologise to the National Party. I know we said we would just sleep on the couch and be off once we got on our feet, but we kinda liked the weather and the whole Durban beach vibe just worked out. I'd like to think that for humble sucrose connoisseurs we've done pretty well for ourselves given those little issues of being slaves and the whole racial persecution thing.

(Whats the story) Morning Glory? - Jayvir Pillay

It was Armin Van Buuren that once said; “It's not love for music,its a passion,and it goes way beyond liking,and beyond a hobby,it's about a way of living. Music is essential for my life”

It was Young Money that said “ Mr room is the G-spot…call me Mr Flintstone,I can make your bed rock”..

Florence and the machine can hardly be beguiled for assuming that the “dog days are over”, but in my opinion they have only just begun. For what music today has become is nothing short of a litter of Little Bow Wows, and Snoop Doggy Dogs,interjected by periodic bitches! When did the music industry become a capitalist machine as much as Coca Cola and Macdonalds are sovereign entities, because I feel like i went to sleep smelling like teen spirit and woke up feeling like

Skinny Jeans and Chuck Bass Dreams-Jayvir Pillay

Let me start off by saying that I,Jayvir Pillay, am no feminist.

I resemble one as much as I resemble a young George Clooney and anyone who has ever been within an earshot of one of my rants or ramblings,laced with innuendo and dripping of sexual undertones will surely bare testament to this. But even in my “swine” chauvinism I feel like I have to champion for the fairer sex.

Whilst the usual demons of gender inequality, sexual harassment, and altogether general disdain continue to rule rife, there is another evil that threatens to undermine the struggles of the womens suffrage. A national pandemic prevalent in Couture retailers, Mini Cooper car dealerships and campus runways nationwide: D.L.G.S (otherwise known as Daddy’s Little

The Real Hustle- Jayvir Pillay

As Durban’s youth prepare to usher a new year into existence with copious amounts of alcohol intake and bodily fluid exchange, there goes a delicate process by which one and all adhere to. Certain nuances and customary rituals that must be performed to ensure optimum revelry on a night out.

The first objective as the fleeting daylight retreats behind the horizon is sustenance or lining the liver as its own. A meal not too heavy that it will result in paying homage to the porcelain god as the clock counts down, but just the right balance of grease and carbohydrates to not only fuel you into the early hours of 2011, but also obey the cardinal rule. Never drink on an empty stomach.

Analogue in a Digital World – Jayvir Pillay

"Misterrr Anderrrson"

No doubt by the time your eyes shift the length of space preceding these words your attention will have been diverted to the erection of a pop up promising to enlarge your man parts in just 3 weeks or the red ember of a notification foretelling your demise unless a video of 3 kittens playing with a ball of wool is forwarded to 25 people in the next 3 seconds. Albeit from me to distract you from tending your farm…fish tank..or whatever it is the kids are doing these days..but its at this juncture that when faced with the question “whats on your mind?” that i dare to ask,Where did we go wrong??..because if “OMG, GG season finale” or “Moe hates Mondays” is any inclination,then not very much is on our minds.Its at this point that you should feel free to click that close button or hit back, as your initial presumption to this being a cynical bio-tribe on everything that's wrong with society would be a correct one..Go ahead..click that close button..proceed to go and pick up a bandwidth refund...accept…yes I do want to join you in the fight against vampires.